Him.
I was never one of the little girls that dreamed about her "Knight in Shining Armor" or fantasized about my dream wedding. I didn't talk out every detail of my ideal husband, the proposal, or wedding. I was too busy following my brothers around and bugging them. Sure, I played with barbies and of course Ken and Barbie got married by me. However, that never brought up any red flags that I would one day be getting married. Even as I got older, and boys didn't have cooties anymore, I still saw marriage as something that wasn't happening except in movies. Besides, I was always taller than the boys in my grade so they were a little scared of me until middle school.
Skip ahead, past all the short lived "I love you" middle and high school relationships, to my first serious one. That boy was gonna be it for me. I swore up and down we were going to get married. I thought he was perfect and we were gonna live happily ever after. This was the first time I really thought about marriage, and what it would be like to wake up with the person who still gives you butterflies, even after years of being together. I looked at wedding dresses, rings, bridesmaids dresses, thought about the venue (church or outdoor - this was the toughest one), and flower arrangements. I also did all that during class instead of paying attention to the lecture...oops.
I also started to think about the kind of person I want to be with, the characteristics I want in a partner, and someone that compliments my weaknesses. I started picking apart the one I was gonna spend forever with, and found out (pretty quickly I might add) that he wasn't what I wanted. But he said he loved me...you mean that isn't enough? We had been together for about 2 years at this point. We had to just stay together, it's what every does, right? Once all these questions and warnings started hitting me in the face, I tried to reassure myself that it was my doubt creeping in. Then, my friends started raising concern about certain things happening, and I knew this was not going to last.
We had been through a tremendous amount, some good and some I hope other couples do not have to go through. Life changing events and at times I asked too much from a person who was not capable of being what I needed and wanted. It was through no fault of is own, we are made to be with different people. We learned so much from being with each other, so to say I regret what happened or wish certain things/situations had gone differently is a waste. It taught me about myself and led me to where I am now in my life.
I learned what I want and need in a relationship/partner. I have also grown as a person and took time to focus on myself. I had so many people tell me to go into college single, and I should have listened; you change so much just in your first year of school. I did some soul-searching, worked on myself, and made myself a better person. I learned to love myself, flaws and all, and learned how to be happy (actually happy) single. I learned characteristics that were deal breakers and deal makers in a partner. I learned my "type." I learned what I need and don't. I learned what I want and don't want. I also learned a lot of new traits I need in a partner.
It has been a journey and took an extreme amount of patience, but I have found someone who fits those things. I'm not saying he is my forever, but I'm not seeing this as temporary either. I have found someone who loves me for me, no changes wanted. He loves me because of my flaws, and makes me see me through his eyes. He betters me as a person and teaches me new things each day. I strive to have a heart as kind and giving as his. To adequately explain the way I feel with him, anything would be an understatement. He brings me peace and calmness, something I know nothing about. I finally don't feel worried about the next step, because I know it'll come in time.
Getting to this point was not easy by any means. It took time and a whole bunch of patience. But it's not impossible. There should not be so much focus on finding "The One" and settling down. I do believe enjoying life and finding yourself first helps so much. You can't be with someone when you don't know who you are, let alone still finding what you want to do with your life. Why add that onto someone else, who might even be doing the same thing?
Just relax, life isn't a race; no one is in a hurry to finish first.
Skip ahead, past all the short lived "I love you" middle and high school relationships, to my first serious one. That boy was gonna be it for me. I swore up and down we were going to get married. I thought he was perfect and we were gonna live happily ever after. This was the first time I really thought about marriage, and what it would be like to wake up with the person who still gives you butterflies, even after years of being together. I looked at wedding dresses, rings, bridesmaids dresses, thought about the venue (church or outdoor - this was the toughest one), and flower arrangements. I also did all that during class instead of paying attention to the lecture...oops.
I also started to think about the kind of person I want to be with, the characteristics I want in a partner, and someone that compliments my weaknesses. I started picking apart the one I was gonna spend forever with, and found out (pretty quickly I might add) that he wasn't what I wanted. But he said he loved me...you mean that isn't enough? We had been together for about 2 years at this point. We had to just stay together, it's what every does, right? Once all these questions and warnings started hitting me in the face, I tried to reassure myself that it was my doubt creeping in. Then, my friends started raising concern about certain things happening, and I knew this was not going to last.
We had been through a tremendous amount, some good and some I hope other couples do not have to go through. Life changing events and at times I asked too much from a person who was not capable of being what I needed and wanted. It was through no fault of is own, we are made to be with different people. We learned so much from being with each other, so to say I regret what happened or wish certain things/situations had gone differently is a waste. It taught me about myself and led me to where I am now in my life.
I learned what I want and need in a relationship/partner. I have also grown as a person and took time to focus on myself. I had so many people tell me to go into college single, and I should have listened; you change so much just in your first year of school. I did some soul-searching, worked on myself, and made myself a better person. I learned to love myself, flaws and all, and learned how to be happy (actually happy) single. I learned characteristics that were deal breakers and deal makers in a partner. I learned my "type." I learned what I need and don't. I learned what I want and don't want. I also learned a lot of new traits I need in a partner.
It has been a journey and took an extreme amount of patience, but I have found someone who fits those things. I'm not saying he is my forever, but I'm not seeing this as temporary either. I have found someone who loves me for me, no changes wanted. He loves me because of my flaws, and makes me see me through his eyes. He betters me as a person and teaches me new things each day. I strive to have a heart as kind and giving as his. To adequately explain the way I feel with him, anything would be an understatement. He brings me peace and calmness, something I know nothing about. I finally don't feel worried about the next step, because I know it'll come in time.
Getting to this point was not easy by any means. It took time and a whole bunch of patience. But it's not impossible. There should not be so much focus on finding "The One" and settling down. I do believe enjoying life and finding yourself first helps so much. You can't be with someone when you don't know who you are, let alone still finding what you want to do with your life. Why add that onto someone else, who might even be doing the same thing?
Just relax, life isn't a race; no one is in a hurry to finish first.
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