This can't be happening.

As I sit here and type this, it’s my 24th birthday. That’s right twenty-four. Two Four. And that means next year I’ll be twenty-five. I can barely say twenty-four out loud, how is it possible that twenty five is only a year away. This means thirty is that much closer too. What is happening? I swear just yesterday I was in seventh grade. Life goes by so fast, and sometimes that can be so stressful and add more weight than it should. Worrying that you’re doing life wrong or not where you should be can make the weight of life seem so much more of a negative impact that a gift.

I remember being in Elementary and Middle school thinking about what it would be like to be “old” and in college or just even in my teens. It felt like so far away. I would watch movies and think that what was going on in them (marriage, jobs, college, etc.) was such a foreign subject to me. I couldn't possibly imagine what that would be like, and didn’t think it would ever happen to me. As I got older my life changed, obviously, and I matured as well as grew in myself; started figuring out who I wanted to be. I would look back at how far I’ve come and grown, and realize that yes I am in fact moving on up in age. Somethings are still strange topics for me, but the big one that isn’t is graduation; which I didn’t think that day would ever come. However, it is just a short eight months away and I could not be happier.

Fun fact about me, I’m a worry-wart, in case you couldn’t already tell. I wish I could change that, but I can’t, so I have to work on it/with it. Most times I worry about something that isn’t even an issue, and I make it into an issue (insert rolling eye emoji). I think I’m at the stage where I realize that this thing called “adulthood” and “life after college” is coming up, and I feel so totally not prepared for it. I may or may not be panicking a teeny tiny bit about it. This is what consumes my worrying right now. Crazy thing is, I can’t control anything about it. Worrying only makes it worse, and then knowing this I worry more, which then entails a domino affect that is nothing but a downward spiral of worry. You can see my problem now.

I think I’m having a mid-life crisis in my mid twenties. This is what’s really happening. All my friends are married or engaged, everyone I went to high school with has graduated already, and they’re all having babies. Even people younger than me have graduated college and they’re married and having kids too. How is this possible. I feel like life is whizzing by me, and I can’t seem to catch a ride on that gravy train, or even catch up to the caboose of it for that matter. It is truly amazing how fast life is going by right now. I feel like I’m still not mentally prepared for what’s happening; I mean I still accidentally tell people I’m twenty-one when they ask my age…oops.

I mean I haven't figured out what I wanna do when I graduate. Shoot, I’m still trying to save money to live on my own. I’m off to a not good start at preparing for adulthood. Just think, in a short six years I’ll be thirty. What. Crazy talk. That’s not possible. I had a different plan or route that I wanted and saw my life going. I imagined all this going so differently, a lot more smoothly. But there was a different plan for my future, that no one could see coming. A part of me feels as if some of my younger years were robbed, with my mom being sick and then my health battle. However, I can’t use those as an excuse. They should be motivation to get the most out of life and not worry this much about something I can’t predict or fully prepare for.

That’s the thing, I’m worried about something that I cannot control whatsoever. I mean, I can to a certain extent. Graduating will set me up for applying for jobs, saving now will help with getting an apartment, continuing with the current company I’m with will open more doors in the near future. What I mean is, I can’t live in fear and fret over what exactly I’ll be doing for a job or where I’ll live. What I should be focused on, is having a job and a place to live; not the specifics. 

I shouldn’t be worried about marriage and what that brings, because for one you miss out on the present and rush through an important stage - dating and having fun. If I’m still preparing myself for the future, why would I want to bring someone into that, and add more to not just my plate, but also a mess to their plate. Yes, I would be ecstatic if it happened, and I can’ wait for that stage to come, but I’m not in a rush to be married until I have a few other things set in stone or lined up. For two I firmly believe that when the time is right it will happen, and until then I don’t need to worry about it; if only not worrying about other things was that easy…

I say all this to just remind you to think on the good in life, and remember all the good things that happen compared to the bad. There is far more good in the world than bad, but sadly the bad always outshines the good. You just have to chose to focus on it. It’s very easy to get caught up in the bad and only see that, and once you see the bad it’s hard to see anything else. A few things to help break that habit is to keep a journal and write down the good from each day, have a good close friend keep you in check (just remind you to stay positive, let you vent, and be a positive influence in your life), and another good reminder would just tell yourself the good you see in each day. Positive thinking brings positive results. It’s gonna take some work at first, but it takes thirty days to create (and break) a habit. Patience and positivity are key. You’ll be so much happier and people will notice.