My Forever "Fairy-Tale"

Fairy tale; 

Noun

1. a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures.

2. an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief:

His story of being a millionaire is just a fairy tale.

When I was little I didn't get read fairy-tales, or watch all the princess-y movies; I was more into barbies. I didn’t dress up as any of the princesses from the fairy-tales for Halloween either, mainly because we didn’t celebrate it, but I also didn’t believe in the fables about them. Sure I was called a princess, “Mommy’s Princess,” all little girls are called that. Why? It’s natural or something. However It gives false expectations for girls. Those animated “innocent” movies imply that you need a man to depend on and take care of you. Now to make matters worse we have these movies that aren’t animated that give these falsities that guys will come rushing in when you least expect it, and sweep you off your feet. Open your eyes and get back to reality, that’s not the real world. You need to be firm and stable in your own foundation before you go sniffing around for a guy. He does not define you or your self worth by any means. Todays society has made such a huge ordeal about being in a relationship and starting a family. Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m 20 something years old, single as you can get, and no promises to change that anytime soon. And for the first time in a loooong time I am happy with how things are. I have fun, I meet people, I go out, and I am perfectly content with that. I have no false expectations to hold for a guy, no strings being pulled, and most definitely no way to get hurt. Sure I do believe there are exceptional guys out there, that do go above and beyond a girls expectation, but tbh they are an extremely rare bread. If found, do not let go of him, not that you would want to anyways. Guys are human too, but what they also should (but don’t) take into account is; girls are emotional and need validation every now and then, most, this is just my perspective. It’s nice to be told that you look good today, or are beautiful, or have a smile that could stop traffic, just something to give a little extra pep to your step. But lately the tables have turned. Girls are calling the shots when it comes to making the first move. I’m all for that, but not all girls are the same. Not all like to be that aggressive or bold. Sure we initiate things with a look or smirk, but then the ball is in the guys court. This falsity about girls goes into way more than just that, but I’ll save that for another day. Anyways, I totally understand that it’s hard for a guy to put himself out there, I’ve done it more recently than I would like to admit. It’s so hard, especially if you're shy. However, it’s not (i say this lightly) so much how you do it, but that you actually do it! I mean why not buy the girl behind you her coffee that morning, or even crack a smile at the girl who keeps timidly making eye contact with you? Smiling is literally the easiest thing to do, and it can make a whole persons day! You don’t even have to do it to get someones attention, it’s just a nice, warm gesture. Like I was on my lunch break the other day at work, and this guy kept making eye contact with me, and smiled a few times. Man, it made me feel good, and it was the littlest gesture. The mall was busy and people were all about themselves, but for that moment I was noticed. That may be the inner girlie-girl in me coming out, but all I’m saying is that it was nice. I smile at everyone that passes by, just a friendlily gesture, some smile back others look at me like I'm weird (not out of the ordinary). It’s peaceful almost. So guys start being gentlemen again. All this will make sense eventually, I promise, maybe, so stay with me. Back to the “Fairy-Tale” thing…All girls dream up their dream wedding with the perfect man, perfect dress, the ultimate perfect day. I didn't ever do that, growing up with brothers my priorities were who ran the fastest or who could burp the loudest. Once I grew up a little more, became an actual girl, I started to realize that it’s good to be girlie and I could still have guy friends. I cared more about what I looked like; tried harder to make sure I looked presentable. The pressure to be a girl, have a boyfriend, and get married is unbearable. It’s hard enough to be a women in todays society, now on top of that adding on the pressure of having a significant other makes things ten times more difficult. College, job, friends, boyfriends, money, working out, eating right, it all gets to be too much. No one fits into this “Fairy Tale” cookie cutter stereotype. We are all made equally different on purpose. The best thing you can do is to admire someone else’s beauty, without questioning your own. When you can do that, it’s basically Nirvana. But really, surviving in this wilderness of beauty with all the contouring, and working out, and dressing with basically no clothes on, it’s too much. All that does is build up false characters of what guys think girls are supposed to look like. I hate wearing tons of make-up, mainly because I look like an unattended child in her mothers make-up when I try, it just makes me not feel like me. I envy girls that can just wear mascara and be drop dead gorgeous, I know I can do that too, but it would not look the same. I love make-up, it is fun to put on, but I don't want to look into the mirror and not recognize me. Despite all that, when you look “average,” or “plain Jane” it becomes hard to be noticed. You get hurt when you put yourself out there, you become scared and timid. You give up and start to doubt your self worth. You feel undeserving, not worthy, inadequate, not good enough. I keep saying you, and I mean me, personally. I have been struggling with this a lot recently, and it has been so hard. I have been blessed with one major and significant heartbreak, my first boyfriend who was my world, and when it ended it crashed around me. When we broke up, I wasn’t the same person. I had been changed by this, mostly for the best, but some bad. I still question if we made the right decision, what it would be like now, or if something will happen in the future. Nonetheless I do know that it was supposed to happen. We grew as people. We learned how to care about someone so much that you would literally go to the other side of the world for them. That you would lose sleep listening to the other. You hurt when they hurt. You saw each other at their darkest time, and still looked at them the same. Never judged. You knew the other better than you even knew yourself. You could read each others mind. You didn’t care if you acted a fool in front  of them, because they joined in with you. Laughing until you're crying. Not caring who's staring, you run up and hug them like you haven't seen them in months. But the best thing was, we started out as friends, and we were still best friends in the relationship. Then, suddenly, in a blink, you look at each other and realize that the end has come. You fight more, spend more time apart, don't talk when you're together. Just sit next to each other, but it feels like theres miles in between you two. Both agree it’s time to part, but you'll stay friends. Yeah right, like that can actually happen. He was my forever plan, and it just ended. Oddly enough, as the pieces fell, I was at peace with it. I knew we were supposed to be together, but only for that amount of time. I learned what I wanted from a man and what I didn’t. I grew as a person in ways that didn’t ever occur to me that I would. I still miss my best friend sometimes, because we did have great memories together. But I don’t regret anything. Life’s precious and so are memories, they're all you're left with when something ends. Sometimes you only have bad memories, sometimes good ones. You get to chose how you see them. With the bad you learn and with the good you smile. Being hurt is an all too familiar memory. It is one of the worst, in my opinion. Once you've been hurt walls automatically go up, even if you don't mean for them to. Your exterior becomes tough and rigid. It’s a lingering thought, if you put yourself out there you'll be hurt again, so you just don't try. It’s not worth it. You don’t want to feel that feeling ever again. That’s not possible. People who you think would never hurt you do, sometimes friends and sometimes family even do it on accident. It’s life. I have no advice on how to not be hurt at all, I wish I did, because I would love to know too. It’s scary and nerve-racking, but you just have to trust God. The way He looks at you is ultimately the only one that matters; In God’s image you are perfect, now that my friend is powerful. He has a plan, He has a purpose for all this, and He will reveal it to you when the time is right. In the mean time you should focus on you, and make you better. God gives you time alone to reflect on things and meditate on lessons He’s trying to teach you. In the end you'll look back and laugh, because you finally see why it all happened the way it did. Just gotta trust Him in the mean time and keep chugging along. Go for more runs, paint, journal, craft, read, do something that makes you happy and clears your mind. Be adventurous. Be silly in public. Smile at passing people. Do something nice for someone different each day, not for the recognition, but for the feeling you get seeing how much it made their day. Listen to yourself more, after all you're (mind is) your own worst enemy, so why not become frenemies?