I just want to be skinny and pretty

This will be one of the harder blogs I've done, it's such a touchie-feelie subject. God created us to glorify Him, and do His will for us. But if you don't love who He created you to be, how can you lead others to see and know Him? You have to first see yourself as beautiful and spotless, through Gods eyes first, so you can show others how to do the same. We will never fully see the way God does, and I don't expect you to always see the good in others or in yourself for that matter; but the thing is you have to try. I am by no means a saint, in fact I'm so far from that, that it's a speck on the horizon for me. I have made so many mistakes, and things that I wish I could take back or change. However, those things are just that, in the past, and I can't change them or do anything to fix them, but I can learn from them and grow. One of the things I'm most guilty of, is not seeing my own self as God sees me. I know I am here for a purpose and my testimony speaks for itself. Like I said before, you have to love yourself and be okay in your own skin first, before helping others. You will always be a "work in progress," but how much work you need is what matters. It's hard to help others when you're still trying to get out of your own hole. 

We are all created exactly the way God mean't us to be made, no one is a mistake or accident. The hard part is being able to look in the mirror and see ourselves how God sees us. The voices in your head might say, "You aren't good enough" "You aren't pretty enough" "You aren't smart enough" "You can't do anything right" "You aren't skinny or fit enough." But those are all lies, and I can say all this until I'm blue in the face, and it won't do any good unless you believe it. Every person goes through this on a daily basis. We are always going to have those doubts, but trusting God and His purpose for you needs to crush them. Even in my own life right now I have so many doubts and a ton of confusion. I've never been pretty enough, or "fit," or felt like I was smart in school, and right now I have absolutely no clue what I want to do as a career. We are all human still, most everyone has had similar doubts. Every girl, and guy actually, goes through similar trials, just in a different context. 

I had the most trouble with seeing myself as pretty and my body as being perfect. I have blemishes, and my skin is uneven, I have scars from all my surgeries that take up most of my stomach, and some things jiggle more than I would like to admit. But putting on make-up and eating that whole bag of chips and then chocolate just made me feel even worse about myself. I can't feel this way and try to cover it up, that just makes things worse. Instead I took all my make-up off and stared in the mirror and said all the things I liked, and I didn't wear make-up until I felt pretty without it on. I stopped eating so much, threw out all the bad food (I do have cheat days), and I only eat when I am truly hungry. I workout everyday, because it makes me feel energized and I feel better about myself. Instead of wallowing in my own self pity, I set goals and started working towards them. I am comfortable in my own skin now. I like putting on make-up, and dressing up, and being girly. I know that without any of it, I am still just as beautiful. I'm not trying to change who I am or hide anything. I wear make-up an dress up, because it makes me feel even prettier, it just accentuates. 

I've grown to love my crooked smile, my scars show I'm not going easily, my jiggles show that I'm still human, and my naked face shows Gods original creation of me. And that's it, there is no other me. There are other Kelly's, but no others that are me. No one is supposed to be exactly the same, or look a certain way, or dress a certain way. But you should always want to put your best foot forward, and love the skin you live in, because no one else can do it for you. There really is no other you.